Blog #2

1]  I picture myself with a medium weight ball and chain permanently locked around my whole body.  Not so heavy that I cannot move at all but heavy enough to make movement difficult.
I have daily pain, fluctuating in levels and areas where I am feeling it. It has completely overtaken activities I enjoy. I can no longer go horseback riding, bowl, go fishing and really struggle to go on the long walks with my dogs that we enjoy. It has negatively affected my personal relationships, contributing to my divorce as he just couldn't take it any more. I worked as an outreach therapist but can no longer work as my body cant handle spending so much time in my car. It has, however, had some positive effects, teaching me to slow down, not take so much for granted and get involved in other activities. I take a much greater notice in my surroundings, the beauty, and I am more grateful for the simple things in life.

2]  I try not to think of each issue I have on a daily basis, I am afraid just seeing them all that I have been diagnosed with would almost make me feel worse.
I am diabetic and have neuropathy in my feet and going up my legs. While I am medication to lesson the pain, I still have muscle spasms and sharp pains occasionally. I never know when these pains are going to start and they often catch me completely off guard.
I have arthritis in my spine, shoulders, hands and knees. I really notice this when it is going to rain, and almost all chilly and damp days. I have slipped discs in my spine and two of them have pinched off the nerves so it often feels like my sciatic nerves are acting up. Usually at the base of my spine and down my legs, but I have found this pain is starting to move further up my back.
I have been told that I must have knee surgery as I am down to bone on bone. My knees have good days and bad days. I have not noticed what the pattern is on these, doesn't seem to be completely affected by weather or activities. I have to have my diabetes better under control before they will do the surgery, hoping either this winter or sometime next year.
I have also recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and that too, is unpredictable as to when it will act up.
I don't know what I would consider the most bothersome, they are different but all can be difficult to manage.
 I have noticed that every single person I considered to be a friend, started to avoid me when I got really sick. This happened when the opening into my stomach became blocked and couldn't be figured out for almost a year. Its amazing how those you thought were your friends have nothing more to do with you if you get sick. I hope that is just my personal experience. I went through a long period of feeling the blues when I had to accept I could no longer do the things I have enjoyed doing for so long. That and feeling isolated really was difficult for me. This year, I began to garden, both veggies and flowers as well as going to a new large church. I feel much more positive, but I still miss my friends and the activities we used to do together.
3]I take way more medication than I would want to, but I cannot afford alternative methods including physical therapy, and my doctor said surgery or meds, my choice. I cant understand why insurance companies cant see to understand that if they spent a bit of money on what has been recommended, they could actually save in the long run.
Percocet; 10mg up to 4x a day, but I have only taken them four times twice. I hate feeling like I have to have this med, but I struggle to even move to get out of bed in the mornings and on damp days, I really feel I need these just to be able to get anything done. Otherwise, I am in bed, rolled up in a ball and crying. I have been told not to wait until I am in pain to take these meds, not to have to play catch up, but top take before I feel the pain. Since the Percocet didn't last in my system all night long and I was waking up in pain, my physician pout me on flexeril at bedtime, with the idea that it will last all night and also help me sleep. I have only been using this for about a month and have thought about discontinuing it, but I must admit, I do feel better in the mornings than before I was taking this.
I take Neurontin for the neuropathy pain and the fibromyalgia and Effexor which is supposed to help with the fibromyalgia as well as depression.
These are the primary pills I take for pain management. I have tried injections both in knees and in spine, but they have not worked for me. I worry that taking medications are just a band aid solution and would give anything if there was some other treatment they could offer.
4]  When I was younger, I didn't need pain management. I used to consider myself fortunate to always be able to get up and walk away from riding accidents. It wasn't until the last ten years or less that I began to experience long term pain, only to find out that it will never get better, only progressively worse.  I felt it creeping up on me, and finally, I felt I needed some help.  Since then, I have tried several different treatments, remained open to any suggestions, and where I used to never take a pill, now am on pain medication on a daily basis.
5] I would give my pain management tool box a letter  of D, primarily because it counts on opiates to control it. It would take some alternative form of treatment for it to have a chance of having a higher score.  This is what is missing from my toolbox. Part of the problem has to do with logistics. I live in an area that is primarily rural with few specialists to choose from who may have more updated and more optional tools with which to work.
According to my primary physician, what I am doing and what I have most likely is the best I can hope for from my pain management tool box.
Percocet;  is the foundation and most major of my pain relievers 
aleve;  kind of like the David with David and Goliath. back up for any breakthrough pain.
Flexoril; taken at night, works to relax muscles and helps me so that I do not feel so stiff when I wake up in the morning. I would rather have a personal masseur, but heck, no go.....